Thursday, October 6, 2011

Diamond in the Rough: Teaser Article 2 - Celebstan

Leading up to the release of Diamond in the Rough, I will be posting articles from the book as a way to celebrate the second installment.  If you've read Hidden Gem, you're already familiar with the various bloggers and websites that cover everything Queen Bee.

Now, meet Celebstan - a new blogger in town who is the absolute antithesis to Her Royal Secrecy.


Posted by Justin, the Bee Chasing Alien who carries a Gunn

            Unless you are shamelessly uncultured and uneducated, you’ve noticed that Hollywood has recently spawned a new BFF foursome for us to internet-stalk!  I’m of course talking about the flawless Queen Bee, Zoe Mercury, Tyler Chase and Harper Gunn.  You may remember this fierce and fabulous foursome from the Green Room incident with the highly desperate Emilia Platt (summary: Emilia sucker punched my princess Harper, but eventually got chased out of the club like a little bitch). 
            Well if you thought these sexy beasts were gonna cool it with the scandal for a little bit, you were dead wrong! The Fab Four were caught partying it up on a private island in Turks and Caicos this weekend, and you bet they were drinking their foxy little asses off! The ladies stuck to margaritas while Tyler drank a local beer like the flaw-free, when-in-Rome angel that he is.  If you look at the pictures, you’ll realize that you’ve actually never seen four individuals looking more flawless while completely shitfaced. 
But OMG, what about the underage drinking and all that!?!
Listen, these gorgeous and talented bitches deserve a drink way more than any of their useless teenaged counterparts who get drunk every school night anyway.  If you’re uneducated and need specific reasons why, they are listed below:

1.     Tyler Chase has the craziest fans on the face of the planet.  He is constantly flying people to big cities on his dime and giving them free concert tickets just because they cried hysterically about their love for him in a YouTube video.  Do you know how much stress that is for one 17-year-old boy to bear? He knows for a fact that he makes millions of girls weep on a nightly basis because he isn’t making out with them at that very moment.  If you carried that guilt, you’d need a brewski or two.
2.     I shouldn’t even have to explain this to anyone.  Queen Bee is in disguise pretty much all the time.  And she does it so you won’t murder her in her sleep.  Isn’t that sad? She’s so flawless that she can’t show her real face, or people will strangle her out of envy.  So don’t you dare tell her that she can’t drink her nightmares away every once in awhile.
3.     Poor Zoe Mercury had been oppressed by the machine that is D Network for long enough! I literally wept every day that Z was under D Network contract, because I knew she wasn’t living as freely as she should, being the reincarnate of an extremely sexy and voluptuous hummingbird.  Her body requires flying from flower to flower (by flower I mean older man) and getting her fill of sweet nectar (I’m not going to explain that one if you don’t get it).  Zoe drinks to stick it to the man, and to be honest, you should be proud of her.
4.     And Harper Gunn… yeah Harper should probably stop drinking soon.  Girl needs AA and Jesus on her side. (luv u tho Harpie!)

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